Thank you for your kind comments. Some made me cry, all made me feel a bit less alone. And, since writing my last post, our flat has filled with flowers and well wishes from the parents and close friends I felt irrationally annoyed by. My Dad finally called, yesterday, and I cried like a child. It must have been over a decade since he heard me like that. I couldn’t help but think what agony it must be for a parent to hear their child cry in pain.

Last night we lit a candle for our little bean that never came to be. I found myself saying that, wherever it was, I hoped it was ok and that I was sorry not to be the right Mummy for it. Then DH said there is another way of looking at this; that our little soul exists out there but that, on this occasion, his clothes didn’t fit him i.e. his chromosomes weren’t right, so he left again. Our little soul is just waiting for the right body so that it can live in this world.

DH is neither a religious or spiritual man so when he said this, I listened and thought that was a nice way of viewing it too. So we said goodbye, for now, and blew out the candle.

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