I can’t ignore the voices in my head that are telling me to get itself out of the sand so it can face a few truths. AF arrived (whatever) and I have since become more than unusually aware of the three days spotting that always occur before I actually bleed. Does this spotting mean I’m hormonally imbalanced? Controlling Fertility says “yes”. Zita West says “probably”. Internet says “cancer.” Terminal illness aside, my period has been like that since time immemorial but then I also run with my feet turned out which is probably why I’ll never compete in The Olympics.

So I am facing the facts right now – my potentially unbalanced hormones could have just as much to do with us not conceiving as DH’s torpedo shaped sperm (yes I know torpedos sound like they should be ideal for hitting a target but apparently they have a tendency for veering away towards Kurdistan). I know it must seem painfully obvious to eveyone reading that I should have already had these tests but I just wanted a few months where none of that caused extra stress. Fanfare – I was wrong.

So I’ve gone ahead and booked an appointment to have all the blood tests on Monday.

Bumped into pregnant neighbour on the bus; still punishing myself about whether to go and spend the weekend with newly pregnant friend; still no news on DH’s sperm analysis; got hit in the face with a pregnant woman’s handbag after a yoga lesson – all in all, a good day.

There’s one other little voice in my head too – One day, one day my friend (it says)this is all going to be alright and we will laugh together at the gnarled, misanthropic old witch you became for a while.

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